


The Heartless.

by lizibabes



Series: Angst Bingo [3]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Drinking, Future Fic, M/M, Sex, Swearing, heated augments, past self loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:40:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt Hello again on angst bingo and years on fanfic100 table. When Tommy realised he was in love with Adam(who had a boyfriend) he left the band, toured with Ravi and made peace with his sexuality. When Monte calls Tommy desperate for a bassist what will he do? And how will Adam react to his sexuality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Heartless.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> As in all my stories the OMC Adam dates in this fic is not meant to be based on anyone real in Adam's life past or present.

Tommy POV  
　  
*three years earlier*  
　  
He's in his living room, two contracts on the coffee table and a glass of whiskey in his hand. Ravi is sitting opposite of him on the other couch, looking worried, his usual rocker self in jeans and a T-shirt, not a speck of glitter on him. Tommy's in his pyjamas even though it's almost noon, he was out with Ravi the night before at a gig, hadn't slept after, seems Ravi slept fine. Tommy had been sat here all night, looking through both contracts, even though he knew it wasn't really the terms effecting his decision.   
　  
"You don't have to, I mean the job with Adam it's a guaranteed world tour and I know you loved it the first time. I won't be mad." Ravi tells him calmly and Tommy knows he means it, even though the tour might fall through without him. Ravi Dhār and the Heartless might be the band on the ticket, but the record company was counting on the cross over draw of Tommy's fans from touring with Adam to give them a boost while they were still getting started.  
　  
"Dude, say something, we're friends, that won't change if you stick with Adam and we'll still jam whenever you can." Ravi frowns, he looks worry, which is fucked up, and he’s a laid back guy for a metal head.  
　  
"I'll sign with the Heartless on a few conditions." Tommy blurts out, taking a sip of his whiskey that is more like swallowing half the glass.  
　  
"Fuck? Seriously? Name them and if I can do it, I will." Ravi grins.  
　  
"I'm not changing my look, it's not as metal as the rest of the band, but I'm sick of changing myself for people." Been there, done that and it had never made him happy, he wasn't bulking up again or some shit.  
　  
"Done, I wouldn't ever ask you to change, Tommy Joe." Ravi promises.  
　  
"Okay, cool. Now, I need to get something off my chest and I need you to not hate me for it or judge me." Fuck he's nervous.  
　  
"Tommy, I doubt there's much you could do that'd make me judge you." Ravi swears.  
　  
"I kissed Adam, not on stage, at some party. I was a little drunk and he turned me down and then he got a boyfriend, who's gonna be on most of the tour and I just can't be around them." Tommy blurts out.  
　  
"I thought it was all fan service?" Ravi asks, but he doesn't looked freaked out which is a start.  
　  
"It is, for him." Tommy shrugs. He'd felt a spark from the first kiss and been terrified about it. The one time he gets the courage to come on to Adam, he gets knocked back. He's scared of how he's noticing men, worried about what life would be like if he was out, if his family will be okay with it. He can't cope with having a sexuality crisis and being around Adam all the time. He wants him so much and even if he could have him, he's not sure he could be with him, be with a guy. It’s fucked up, but he is so fucking sure he can't watch Adam making goo goo eyes at some other guy for a whole tour.  
　  
"But not for you?" Ravi presses and Tommy shakes his head.  
　  
"You think you’re Bi?" Ravi asks.  
　  
"I don't know, maybe it's just him? He's the only one I've felt like this about, wanted like this. I've been attracted to men, but it was never like this." It’s so fucking frustrating, he just wants to scream.  
　  
"You kissed him, does he know?" Ravi asks and Tommy winces.  
　  
"I'm not sure, we never talked about the kiss again after it happened." Tommy shrugs, the next day had been fucking awkward. Adam wouldn't look at him all through breakfast and after that, Tommy had just hid in his bunk. Things had got better after that, but they'd never been the same, part of him thought he was just being paranoid, but he was sure he wasn't imagining the new distance between them.   
　  
"Shit man, that's just shit. Do you want to try and talk to him before you decide?" Ravi asked and if he hadn't already made up his mind that would have helped, Ravi doesn't make him feel pressured in anyway.   
　  
"He has a boyfriend, even if I convince him I'm Bi, he doesn't want me and I can't be around them. I think I just need to get away from him, clear my head, see if it's just him or if the bi thing’s a part of me I just denied before or something." Tommy picks up a pen and before he can pussy out, leans forward and signs the contract for touring with Ravi Dhār and the Heartless, instead of the one for Adam Lambert. He knows Isaac is coming with Ravi so he can be with Sophia more, the schedule working better and LP is rejoining Adam. Isaac knows about the offer, so does Lane and Adam's record company. He hasn't told anyone else yet, he will, probably Monte before Adam, he's not sure how the hell even to tell Adam. Maybe tell him he misses lead guitar and the more metal sound, seen as those things are true, as much as he loves bass and glam rock, it's true. He can tell Adam that Ravi needs him more to be successful, which is possibly true, he might well make it with or without Tommy, and he honestly thinks there is an equal chance of either. Adam will find another bass player easy, anyone with any sense will want that job and he doesn't need someone he can kiss on stage anymore, seen as his boyfriend was starting to make noise about it, asking it be dropped from the stage routine on the next tour.   
　  
"Well I'm really glad you’re doing this with us, man. It wouldn't be the same without you." Ravi tells him, clinking their glasses together in a toast. Tommy knocks back his whole drink, relishing the burn, he feels numb everywhere else. He misses Adam already, but it'll be easier missing Adam this way, with actual physical distance than having to miss Adam when he's right there, but what they had is gone.  
　  
*present day*  
　  
"Tommy Joe, phone for you." Isaac yells, even though he's about five steps away from Tommy. Sophia tufts at him and Tommy smirks as he takes the phone, he had thought moving in with a married couple might suck, but it really didn't, second to being on tour it was his favourite place. He takes the phone off of Isaac who then wanders over to Sophia, sits down a little too casually and then starts tickling her. He envies them that sometimes, the love, the closeness, but mainly he's just really happy for them.  
　  
"Hello?" He says, wandering into the next room so he can hear over the giggling and screeching.  
　  
"Hey, Tommy Joe." Monte always sounds happy to talk to him, even though Tommy ignored his calls for like a month after telling him about signing up with Ravi, even though Monte hadn't got mad at him. It’s well in the past, but he still feels guilty, wishes he could make up for it somehow. He thinks he feels worse because he never gave Monte the full story, but only Ravi knew back then and later Isaac and Sophia. No one else knows about his feelings about Adam, not even his Mom and she knows about him liking men.  
　  
He's kept in touch with Monte, but the rest of the Glamily seemed to take him and Isaac leaving harder and to be honest, Tommy hadn't fought to keep them in his life. He sees Sutan sometimes, they’re still close, but it’s strained at times because he knows Sutan keeps it a secret from Adam, he knows why, Adam hadn't taken his leaving well. Publicly he'd been nice as pie, privately they didn't argue, Adam just went cold on him. Tommy couldn't cope with that, so he let Adam go as well, he told himself it would be easier, he still doesn't believe it. The lie is still a lie all these years later.  
　  
"Monte, it's good to hear from you. I thought you were still on tour." He thinks Monte has about five more shows in the states, he's meant to be going to dinner at Monte's house once the tour ends, seen as they'll both be on break.  
　  
"I am on tour. Listen Tommy, I need a favour." Monte sighs and he sounds worried, Tommy's chest clenches, instantly thinking the worst.  
　  
"Anything." He owes Monte for always being there for him, even though Tommy keeps shit from him.  
　  
"Our bassist Sammy had an accident. Broken wrist, she's off the tour and we still have shows." Monte explains, Sammy is the female bassist they replaced him with, he's never met her, but he's seen the video's. She's smoking hot and one hell of a player. It took the fans a while to warm up to her, but from what he hears, they love her now, they'll be pissed with any replacement.  
　  
"You’re not asking me to recommend someone are you." Tommy sighs.  
　  
"No, I trust you, your skill and you’re the only one that can do this and the fans won't give us shit over it. They still love you. It's been three years and I still gets girls asking me how you are when I sign, the amount of Heartless T-shirts you see around the place is pretty funny." Monte sounds desperate and everything he's saying is true, Tommy knows it is, but he still hesitates.   
　  
"Does Adam know you’re asking me?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"Yes, he knows it's the best possible solution." Monte sighs.  
　  
"But he doesn't like it." Tommy says, so Monte won't have to.  
　  
"No Tommy, he doesn't like it. But he agreed and he won't be a dick about it, he's not like that. It's been years since you left." Monte has never pretend to stop talking to Tommy, they still tweet, have done a few odd gigs over the years. He wonders sometimes what Adam thinks of that, if it makes him mad. He wonders if Monte is mad at either of them or both of them for the way they stopped talking. He's sure, even though Monte has never said, that their friendship probably causes him problems.  
　  
"Okay, I'll do it, five shows." Tommy agrees.  
　  
"Thanks man, I'll get someone on sorting out a short contract, get you paid well seen as you’re a successful rock star now, get you out here." Monte laughs.  
　  
Ravi Dhār and the Heartless did better than any of them thought they would. Real tours and album sales, singles in the charts. Not as big as Adam, but doing damn well. Tommy can't help laughing at being called a rock star, he has loved that part of the last three years, the music, the band, it's been kind of perfect. When he signed the contract, he hadn't been sure they would last months, let alone years.  
　  
"Monte, uh, can we talk before I join up? There's some stuff I should probably tell you." Tommy says softly, rubbing the back of his neck hard as it tenses up.  
　  
"Is it about why you really left? I know I never got the full story." Monte says gently.  
　  
"Yeah, that and some stuff that's happened since." He sits down and he talks to Monte and when he's finished Monte still wants him to join the tour, he isn't mad, doesn't seem to treat Tommy differently at all, it's almost enough to make him cry.  
　  
He's packed a bag and being driven to the airport by Isaac two days later. He keeps asking if Tommy is sure he wants to do this, he says he is every time and doesn't mean it any of them, he's never been less sure about something in his life. Isaac hugs him goodbye and makes him promise to call him any time he needs to, late, early, whatever, but to call. Tommy promises he will, knowing Isaac means it and knowing he might need to call one of his best friends the second he's off the plane so that he actually meets Monte instead of running away like a scared little kid.  
　  
He fidgets through the whole flight, keyed up, nervous and excited all at once. The dancers won't be there, but Monte and Cam will be, Adam will be, he's not sure how he's going to do this, if he can do this, but he promised Monte. Even though he said he would get a taxi to the hotel, Monte is waiting for him.  
　  
"Tommy Joe Ratliff." Monte says softly, hugging him close.  
　  
"Hey Monte." Tommy sighs, he only clings a little, he's missed Monte, and it’s been over six months since he saw him in person.  
　  
"You don't change, still blonde and skinny." Monte laughs as they go to get his bags and it's true, physically Tommy has hardly changed. He lost the beer belly from all the yoga and shit with Isaac and Sophia, he's more toned, firm muscle in places he used to be soft, but slimmer, same colour hair, hell same hair cut he had three years ago. It's changed in colour and style a few times, but he likes it like this and always ends up going back to it, one side shaved, bangs long on one side. He's also been lucky to age well, doesn't look much older. Monte has a few wrinkles, a few grey hairs, but he's always saying four kids will do that to you.  
　  
A car drives them to the hotel and Monte talks to him about all the technical aspects of the show they'll be playing the next day. Tommy already knows the songs, he was sent everything, the bassist parts he had to learn the day he said yes to Monte. He's practiced non-stop for two days and still isn't sure he won't fuck up. He's been getting better and better at both guitar and bass, he shouldn't be that nervous, but this gig is different. He feels like if he messes it up he'll be ruining his life, his career and letting down Monte, again.  
　  
"Relax, you'll do fine." Monte promises, picking up on his nerves.   
　  
He thought Monte would take him straight to his own room, so he can sleep after the plane ride, but Monte leads the way to his own room. Tommy's been sat down less than a minute and Monte is handing him a beer when there is a knock at the door and Tommy knows he has been set up. Monte walks to the door and opens it and of course it's Adam. Fuck he still looks good, Tommy's seen performances, but in the flesh is different. Tall and broad like he always was, no wrinkles, but it doesn't look like he's had work down, his hair is jet black apart from at the tips, the tips are a vivid blue, all spiked up. He's more muscular that Tommy remembers and he has spent a long time remembering. Adam looks hot as hell, simple makeup, simple clothes and he still looks good enough to go on stage. Tommy bites his lip against the familiar rush of lust and emotion, three years apparently doing jack shit to lessen that. At least he isn't afraid of it anymore.  
　  
"You two need to talk." Monte says simply and he's a bigger traitor than Tommy thought, because not only has he brought them both here to talk, but he isn't even staying. He nudges Adam into the room and then he walks out of it, shutting the door gently, it still makes Tommy jump.  
　  
"And he says I'm a drama queen." Adam mutters.  
　  
"I, ah, guess I should thank you for the job, even though I don't need it. I love to play." He says when he can't think of anything else. Sophia always tells him off for playing through all his breaks with other bands and this time hadn't been all that different. Her heart hadn't seemed as normal though. He thinks maybe even if she still thinks he's over worked, she knows why he needs to do this.   
　  
"Don't thank me, it was Monte's idea." Adam shrugs, walking further into the room and sitting in the seat furthest from Tommy, which is pretty far, seems like Monte is getting a bigger room these days, but then Adam is doing incredibly well, Tommy always knew he would.  
　  
"I know that, but he wouldn't have asked if you didn't say it was okay." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"Why does he think we need to talk? You’re only playing five shows. Sammy will be ready for the next tour." Adam asks, folding his arms over his chest, he remembers Adam's body language so well, seen as he obsessed over it for so long. He knows Adam is feeling defensive, it never used to be like that.  
　  
"Maybe because he knows we haven't talked in three years? And if that's not reason enough for you, maybe he wants me to tell you the whole reason why I left." Tommy spits out.  
　  
"You left to play with Ravi, I don't see what else there is you might have to say." Adam snaps.  
　  
"I wasn't picking him over you, guitar over bass or anything like that." Tommy says softly.  
　  
"Oh really, then what were you doing? Why leave?" Adam asks, his tone implying he doesn't care about the answer, but something in his bright blue eyes is screaming at Tommy that he does care. He listens to what his eyes are telling him, not Adam's tone, it's time to tell the truth.  
　  
"What I was doing was running away, Adam, because I was afraid." Tommy admits.  
　  
"Afraid of what?" Adam asks and he looks confessed.  
　  
"Of you..." Tommy begins only to be cut off by Adam jumping to his feet and storming over.  
　  
"You were afraid of me? What did I ever do to you to make you afraid? I'm not violent, we were friends, and I don't get that at all. Did you think because I'm gay I'd try something? I never thought you were that guy, Tommy. Scared the gay guy will sneak a peek, cop a feel?" Adam is pacing and ranting, he looks a little like he's about to cry and Tommy hates it, hates that he made it happen, he wants to make it stop.  
　  
"I was afraid of what being around you made me want. I was afraid of what I was feeling. I wasn't afraid that you would touch me. I was jealous that you had a boyfriend and I freaked out." Tommy rambles and Adam stops pacing right in front of him.  
　  
"What the hell are you trying to say, Tommy Joe?" Adam asks, frown firmly in place.  
　  
"It took me a long time to come to terms with it; years really. But I'm Bi, Adam. My Mom knows and she didn't hate me the way I thought she would. So many people think Bi means slut, will do anything with a pulse. I denied it for a long time because I didn't want people, especially her thinking that." He's done something he never managed to do during the tour, during their friendship, he's left Adam speechless.  
　  
"But I would have helped you, talked to you if you were confused. Why did you leave?" Adam looks hurt, all his anger drained away, maybe this is worse than anger though, and the anger hadn't made his chest ache this sharply.  
　  
"It's kind of hard to ask the guy you have a crush on to talk to you about maybe liking men." Tommy sighs, picking at the label on his beer, instead of downing the whole bottle the way he wants to.  
　  
"You had a crush on me?" Adam asks and Tommy looks away from the bottle long enough to glance at Adam's face, the disbelief is clear in every feature, he has to look away again.  
　  
"Yeah." He doesn't mention he still does, he doesn't need to hurt himself any more, he's already spilled his guts all over this hotel room, he needs some dignity left.  
　  
"I didn't know." Adam sighs.  
　  
"Adam, I kissed you, how could you not know?" Maybe dignity is over rated, maybe he's just too tired of lies these days.  
　  
"You were drunk." Adam says firmly.  
　  
"Only a little, I needed the courage." Tommy shrugs. He hears a thud and looks away from his beer to see that Adam has gone to his knees in front of him.  
　  
"Shit, I'm so sorry, I should have asked if you meant it, not assumed you couldn't. You should have been able to come to me, talk to me. We were best friends. I let you down." Adam sighs, his hands coming out to rest lightly on Tommy's knees, he looks like he feels really guilty and that isn't what Tommy wanted, he just wanted Adam to see that he hadn't left to hurt him.  
　  
"I shouldn't have just run away. I didn't give you the chance to be there for me, so don't do the guilt trip thing." His heart is racing, being this close to Adam, it shouldn't be a big deal, but it is.  
　  
"So you left to figure out liking men, you told your Mom, that's really good, Tommy Joe." Adam says softly.  
　  
"I've dated men." He blurts out, all he can think of is Adam's smug little boyfriend, how he'd had to get away from seeing them together every day, the guy had always looked so pleased with himself, but then he'd landed Adam, of course he did.  
　  
"Have you? No wait, I have no right to ask that." Adam flushes and looks down and Tommy's dick is not getting the message that Adam isn't on his knees for that.   
　  
"Have I what? Fucked a guy or been fucked?" He knows that he's right about what Adam wanted to ask when he sees the other man flinch.  
　  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask, it just slipped out." Adam actually looks pretty mortified and it stops Tommy from getting angry that he asked. He kind of likes having Adam off balance for once, after all these years, when in the past Adam had made him feel like a puppet dancing on Adam's strings.  
　  
"Both, I've done both." Tommy shrugs, fuck it, let Adam think about that one, he's spent years thinking about Adam fucking other men, it's his turn.  
　  
"Oh, I, ah, hope it was good. I don't really know what to say. I mean, I want to ask if it was okay, if you got hurt, if you liked it, which you preferred, but none of those things are my business anymore, are they?" Adam sighs.  
　  
"I'd like to think we're still friends, so I guess asking questions is normal and you wouldn't be you if you didn't ask about me getting hurt. You always worry about your friends." Tommy shrugs, he misses being Adam's friend so much, has missed him all these years. He's so fucking glad Monte called him for this job.  
　  
"Did you? Get hurt, I mean?" Adam asks, looking nervous, like maybe he still doesn't have the right to ask, but he really wants to know anyway.  
　  
"Not my first time, the guy was good about prep and taking it slow. Next guy I was with like that was kind of an asshole. Nothing really bad, but it wasn't good, so I decided to stick to topping and fooling around till I was with someone I could trust to respect me." Tommy shrugs, leaving out the fact that after he'd been left hurting that he had thought of Adam and how Adam would have taken care of him if they ever went to bed together.   
　  
Adam stands up, he's pacing again and when Tommy gets a look at his face he can see that Adam looks pissed.  
　  
"You’re mad again, why are you mad again?" He'd thought they'd got passed the anger, he's so sick of it. He just wants Adam to like him again, he's missed his friendship over the years, he wants it back. He was stupid to give up Adam's friendship just because he couldn't have his love. He puts his drink up and walks over to Adam when he doesn't answer, blocking his path to stop him pacing.  
　  
"I'm not mad at you. I'm pissed off that someone hurt you. Did he know you'd only been with one guy before him?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Yeah, I told him, I'm not stupid, I don't lie about how experienced I am." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"Then he should have been more careful." Adam growls.  
　  
"It was a year ago, I'm over it." Tommy mutters, he hates that Adam's gone all cold and pissy, he never should have told him, fuck honesty.  
　  
"If you’re over it, if it didn't affect you, why don't you bottom?" Adam argues.  
　  
"I do, just only if I know I can trust the guy." Tommy snaps, he doesn't need Adam protecting him from something that happened during the years they weren't ever talking. Fuck he never thought meeting Adam again would go like this, an argument about his sexual preferences.   
　  
"So if I said I wanted to fuck you right now, you'd be cool with it? You'd just bend over, no fear, no worries?" Adam asks angrily and Tommy feels the colour drain from his face and he has to drop his gaze. He isn't frightened by the idea of bottoming for Adam, it's something he's wanted for years, but he can't just sleep with Adam, even say he would in theory, because it's not meaningless, he's still in love with Adam. He though after all these years he wouldn't be, but now he's here again, standing in front of Adam; he can still feel it.  
　  
"Fuck, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled or said that. Especially after what you said about having a crush on me before." Adam sounds so worried, like Tommy's some delicate little thing and he might have hurt his feelings, well fuck that as well.  
　  
"I said I only bottom for men I trust, what makes you think I trust you?" Tommy snaps spitefully, looking up in time to see the pain flash across Adam's face before it's replaced with anger.  
　  
"When did you turn into such a nasty little bitch? You’re not the man I used to know at all." Adam shakes his head and he looks like he's disappointed or some shit.   
　  
"I haven't changed all that much. Only change is I've accepted liking men as well as women. Maybe you just never knew me as well as you thought you did." After all, Adam hadn't even seen that Tommy had liked him, wanted him, too wrapped up in his boyfriend to notice Tommy's love.  
　  
"I knew you, I fucking thought I did any way. But then you come here, tell me you’re Bi, that you've let men hurt you and I think maybe you’re right, I didn't know you, I sure as hell don't know you now. But don't try and say you think you can't trust me like that. You know damn well that I would never hurt you, I've never hurt a lover." Adam pretty much snarls, it's a little intimidating, but Tommy is standing his ground. He's here for five shows, not the rest of his life, it's time to grow a backbone and say whatever the hell he likes, it's probably the only chance he'll ever get. So as much as he hates arguing with Adam, he's not about to back down.  
　  
"I didn't let him hurt me, I was careful, I used lube, I prepped, he just got impatient. He was too rough, too fast and it hurt. But I didn't let him, it just happened. And everyone’s seen your damn bulge, I'm sure taking that has hurt someone." Tommy shrugs. He had wanted to stop, but the guy had already been inside of him, it had seemed too late to change his mind, a mistake he'll never make again. He's never seen Adam naked, but the whole fucking world knows he's hung.  
　  
"I'm not impatient, I prep a guy properly until he's not only begging for my cock, but he can take it. I like rough sometimes, but not the kind of rough that makes the pain outweigh the pleasure." Adam says casually and Tommy can't believe they're even having this conversation.  
　  
"Well good for you, maybe if you hadn't been so busy with your air head twink of a boyfriend back when I was on the tour, I would have gotten you to fuck me. Show me how it should be done." He snaps, he knows he's made mistakes, but he doesn't need Adam judging him damn sex life. He'd been trying to get over Adam once he was sure he was Bi, when he'd been less confused. The guy who had hurt him had looked a little like Adam, all the men he has done stuff with have looked a little like Adam. He tells himself he just has a type, but he knows it's more than that, he's just not stopped wanting Adam over the years, so he looks for the next best thing.  
　  
"Don't pretend you would have let me top you back then." Adam hisses.  
　  
"I'm not saying I would have. I was still confused about what I wanted. I might have been too scared to actually go through with it back then, I'm not going to lie, but I did want you. If you'd have been single and asked I would have tried, might have helped clear up the question of my sexuality sooner." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"You said you kissed me because you had a crush, there is no way you wanted me to fuck you. It was just a crush. If I'd kissed back, you would have freaked out, not taken me to bed." Adam insists.  
　  
"What do you want to hear, Adam? That I was in love with you? That I would have probably given you anything even though I wouldn't have been ready for it back then? Fine, I was in love with you, long before I accepted my sexuality and it hurt like fuck to see you with some other guy." Tommy bursts out, he hates that they’re fighting like this, they didn't even fight years ago, when he first left the band.  
　  
"You were in love with me?" Adam asks.  
　  
Tommy nods, feeling completely miserable.   
　  
Adam steps closer, getting right in his personal space, his hands resting lightly on Tommy's shoulders.  
　  
"I don't know what to say." Adam says softly.  
　  
"Can you not say anything? I'm sick of fighting with you, I don't want to fight anymore. So maybe I should just go to my room, play the shows and we just won't talk about this again." Because it fucking hurts too much.  
　  
"I wanted you so much back then, if I'd have known you were in love with me, I would have dumped him for you. Maybe it's a good job I didn't know. Like you said you weren't ready then, you needed time to decide if you really liked men." Adam says softly and all his focus is on Tommy's lips, he looks, not sad, more like regretful and Tommy isn't quite sure what that means.  
　  
"You'd have dumped him just because you want to sleep with me?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"I wasn't in love with him, Tommy, I liked him, was attracted to him, but I liked you more, I was more attracted to you. I used to kick myself over falling for another straight boy. Guess my gaydar isn't as fucked as I thought it was. Whenever I got a vibe from you, I convinced myself I was imagining it." Adam sighs.  
　  
"You fell for me?" Tommy frowns, he's apparently turned into a parrot, what the fuck happened to being confident in his sexuality? He can't even tell Adam how he feels, what he wants.  
　  
"Hard, which was why I was such a pissy bitch when you left." Adam admits.  
　  
"What, I hurt your feelings?" Tommy raises an eyebrow.  
　  
"Yes, and I'm aware it was childish. Can you forgive me?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Yeah, of course I forgive you, Adam. I just hope you don't hate me for leaving and lying about why I had to go." He wants Adam's friendship back, he wants Adam in his life again.  
　  
"Forgiven and forgotten, we should do Fever as the encore, it's been years since I performed that song. The fans will go wild." Adam smiles, his hands petting Tommy's shoulders lightly, thumbs rubbing back and forth, it's kind of nice, relaxing, he's not sure if Adam's even aware he's doing it.  
　  
"You gonna kiss me?" Tommy asks, man those kisses during Fever had been like some kind of drug to him, he could never wait to play that song, knowing it meant Adam was going to touch him, kiss him.  
　  
"Do you want me to kiss you?" Adam asks, something dark in his eyes and Tommy has a feeling that Adam isn't just asking about on stage. He wants to know if Tommy wants to be kissed now and he could just laugh it off, pretend he didn't realise that Adam might be asking about more than the stage gay, but he was gone for a long time. He's only just meeting Adam again now, after all these years, maybe the perfect hello, the perfect way to start over would be a kiss, because after Adam kissed him at the AMA's, that was when everything started, when they became close. He convinces himself that this will just be about starting over, putting the past behind them, that this will just be their way of saying hello again.  
　  
"Yes," He nods, the word almost doesn't make it past his lips before Adam is kissing him, the hands on his shoulders dropping to wrap around his waist and pull him closer. Adam nips at his lip and then sucks away the small hurt and Tommy gasps, mouth opening and Adam uses the opportunity to slide his tongue past Tommy's lips.   
　  
It doesn't feel like years since Adam kissed him, more like only days have passed, he clings to Adam, glad their kiss doesn't need to end so Adam can dance away.  
　  
"I'm kicking myself for not asking if you meant that kiss before." Adam pants against his lips.  
　  
"No more regrets, we've spent long enough regretting and fighting. Just kiss me, okay?" Tommy says, he doesn't wait for Adam to respond though, just closes the gap between their lips again. It feels unbelievably good to be kissing Adam. The spark that has always been there between them is roaring to life. In the past the intensity, the power of their connection had scared him, but he's gotten passed that, he's older, knows what he wants now and he wants this, wants Adam.  
　  
"We cannot fool around in Monte room, can we?" Adam asks, pulling back.  
　  
"He ambushed us, he deserves to have us fuck on his bed." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"Fuck?" Adam repeats.  
　  
"If you want to." He knows it would seem fast to most people, but he has waited years for this.  
　  
"Of course I want to, but I doubt Monte has lube or condoms." Adam points of, nipping at his jaw.  
　  
"Find some lotion in the bathroom, I have a condom in my wallet." Tommy pushes Adam towards the bathroom.   
　  
"Impatient much?" Adam yells from the bathroom.  
　  
"Like you’re not? I've waited years for this Adam, years." Tommy points out.   
　  
Adam comes back out with the lotion the hotel had obviously put in the bathroom, he doubts Monte has started moisturizing in the years Tommy has been gone. He's on Tommy in seconds and soon they’re both naked on Monte's bed and he is going to be beyond pissed. Tommy rolls Adam so that he's on top, straddling Adam, kissing him slow and deep, the way he has always wanted to. He lets himself have a little fun, kissing Adam, tormenting him with light touches, but he's teasing himself too, so he lets Adam take control. He ends up pinned to the bed, Adam between his thighs, legs spread slutty wide. Adam is good, fingers working deep, opening Tommy up, playing his body like it’s a fucking instrument.   
　  
"Come on Adam, come on, please." Tommy begs, he can't help it, but he doesn't feel embarrassed begging Adam for this, the way he would if it were anyone else.   
　  
"Shh baby, it'll be okay. I'll give you what you need." Adam purrs, licking a path up Tommy's neck and then he's rolling on the condom Tommy kept around just in case.   
　  
The first thrust has him seeing stars, Adam is bigger than anyone he's ever been with, longer and thicker than any man or toy he's ever had inside of him. Adam tries to go slow after the first thrust, to hold still completely, let Tommy adjust, he manages to get Adam to compromise, he gets him to start thrusting again, rocking back on his dick, but he lets Adam keep the pace slow. It isn't gentle though, slow, long, deep thrusts that turn his legs to jelly and have him panting.   
　  
"Adam, fuck, please." He doesn't even know what he's asking for, but it seems like Adam does, his hand sliding down between them and wrapping around Tommy's dick, jerking him off slowly. It feels so good he can't do anything but moan his head off, grabbing at Adam's back, wanting to be closer, to never be apart from Adam. His orgasm is rushing towards him, he's babbling, mainly Adam's name, but he can't stop.   
　  
" I love you." Oh shit, he hadn't meant to say that, even though he still means it, but he's said it now. He feels Adam's hips stuttering as his own orgasm hits. He holds Tommy close, breath coming fast and then Tommy hears it.  
　  
"I love you." Adam is whispering it over and over again. There's cum drying between them, Adam still inside him, but Tommy doesn't move, he holds Adam close, clinging to the other man.  
　  
"Do you mean it?" He asks when he finally gets uncomfortable enough to let Adam pull out.  
　  
Adam nods.  
　  
"Did you?" Adam asks and he looks so damn vulnerable.   
　  
"Yeah, I've meant it for years." Tommy admits as Adam throws the condom in the crash. Adam practically pounces on him after he talks, pinning him to the bed and kissing him.  
　  
"Even if you’re not a part of the band, I'm never letting you go again." Adam says firmly.  
　  
"You had better not." Tommy says just as he hears a click. He turns his head at the same time as Adam and then quickly hides his face again. Monte and Cam are right fucking there.  
　  
"Um well I guess you two made up?" Monte sounds nearly as mortified as Tommy feels.  
　  
"I did not see that coming." Cam says softly.  
　  
"Let’s go." Monte says loudly.  
　  
"Yep, let’s, bye, nice to see you again, Tommy." Cam rambles and then Tommy hears the door slam.  
　  
"They will never stop teasing us about this, you know?" Adam moans.  
　  
Tommy can't bring himself to care about the teasing, not if it means he'll be around the Glamily for them to tease him, around Adam to do more than tease. He kisses Adam softly and Adam kisses him back just as gently, it feels almost tender. Sex, kissing, being with someone, it has never felt like this before. He's really glad Monte called him, dragged him back into Adam's life after all these years, because lying in a hotel bed with Adam, he knows that this is where he belongs.  
　  
The End.


End file.
